One from the Heart
Some
Memorial Days, I feel good. Those are
the ones where I stay focused on the positive feeling that comes from giving
our veterans the respect and gratitude they deserve. The ones when I feel I pay my dues of
honoring memory and sacrifice, and go on to enjoy the bright sunlight, the
breeze, the food and fellowship.
I’m
having trouble this year. I am honoring
our vets today, and I am remembering, respecting, thanking. But I’m not finding it easy to then go on
with what I’m expected to do, which is to compartmentalize my feelings so that
I can enjoy the sun and the breeze and make my contribution to food and
fellowship.
We’re
in the fourth year of a bad war in one country, the sixth year of an unstable
and worsening situation in another.
We’re losing good people. Our
returning veterans, whether career military or Guard/Reserve, are suffering
wounds both physical and psychological.
Their families are under enormous emotional and financial stress. I am not making a political statement with
these words. I do not believe in using this blog, which is for all brats
regardless of political persuasion, to advance one political perspective. I am
merely stating what we all know to be true. Military service is dangerous and
the cost to those brave men and women who volunteer, and to our whole society, is incalculable. Today I’m hurting for our warriors and their loved
ones, and I know you are as well. But
hurting, passively and silently, is not helping those who need help.
Last
year on Memorial Day Weekend I wrote a blog which was inspired by a public
radio broadcast, “The Soul of War,” on the American Public Media program
“Speaking of Faith.” This year, it was
rebroadcast on Sunday morning, and I listened again, printed out the transcript
to study. Chaplain John Morris, the
guest interviewed by host Krista Tippett, has served in
Maj. Morris: …we don’t
have a lot of rituals, and we need one for this…. In Medieval days, in some parts of Europe,
the priest would go with the soldiers, raised from the villages to go fight,
and you know, hear their confession prior to going to battle, give them last
rites, and send them to war. So that’s a
very stark psychology. ‘Hey, you may
die, so we need to make things right with God.’
Then when they came home, they were stopped before they entered the
village. Stripped off their clothes that
they had fought in, bathed, heard confession again, celebrated the Eucharist,
and then allowed back in the village.
Now, what were they saying there? ‘You know, there needs to be some
business done with God and with the community prior to allowing you to rejoin
us. We need to leave the old out here.’
[for the full transcript of
the interview and other info, go to
http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/soulofwar/index.shtml]
There
are a lot of things our society has not thought through. A lot of energy is misdirected, a lot of
needs go unmet—and this is true for our service people and their families as
well as for other sectors of our society.
I’d
like to make a small suggestion to my brother and sister brats out there. Memorial Day should be a meaningful day for
us, meaningfully observed. I would like
to recommend adding a compassionate dimension to our individual annual
observance. One way is to make a
financial contribution to an organization that helps veterans and their
families. If you already do so, thank
you. If you are interested and want to
know where to donate, you might go to the web site Military.com, and look over
their extensive list: http://www.military.com/benefits/resources/support-our-troops#4. There are many excellent options. This year I picked the Unmet Needs program
of Veterans of Foreign Wars. This
program helps financially stressed military families cover expenses, and 100%
of your donation goes to the family since VFW already received a large
corporate grant to cover all operating expenses of the program for five years.
A
monetary contribution may seem a small thing, but it provides real help. On a day more known for road trips and
picnics, it is a gesture of respect and appreciation that comes straight from
the heart of compassion.
And
it makes it easier to enjoy the sun and the breeze.
I concur with all these sentiments and ideas .
Thinking kindly of those who gave so freely of themselves and didn't get to come home.
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Thanks for saying something that is very difficult for those like me to say.
Memorial Day is a day to be literally "observed" for me.
And it's very hard to do just that. Celebrating, having a good time, forgetting, is just not possible.
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Dear Mary,
Thank you for the food for thought and the website of resources.
I sprained my ankle on Friday, and was propped up on the sofa feeling blue and limited in my weekend options. As I sat grousing and putting ice on my ankle, I watched the Memorial Day Concert on PBS on Sunday night. They had a dramatic reading of the story of a soldier and his fiancee who went through an extremely traumatic experience.
The soldier was in an explosion in Iraq that took one of his arms, filled his legs with shrapnel and put him into a coma that the doctors thought he might not survive. His condition was so dire that the fiancee and the soldier's parents were asked if they would consent to taking him off life support. The fiancee spent hours and hours talking to the soldier, looking for some response from him that would show her that he wanted to live. Eventually, she saw a tear tickle out of his eye and run down his cheek. That small tear was the proof she needed that he was going to fight to suvive.
The soldier eventually came out of his coma, found out that the army had "retired" him, and had to struggle physically and financially to get the care and help he needed to recover. He married his fiancee and for the past three years they have bravely dealt with multiple surgeries and extensive physical and mental therapies.
The soldier and his wife were guests of honor at the Memorial Day Concert. They were able to smile through their tears
after their extraordinary story was told.
I was abashed, ashamed of myself for whining about a sprained ankle that will heal soon enough. I thought to myself that I really wanted to DO something meaningful this Memorial Day weekend.
Then I got your email with your thoughts on Memorial Day and the link to the military.com website with so many donation suggestions. It was just what I needed to see. I looked over the many options and decided to take part in the "Adopt a Soldier" program. It feels right to me to offer any support I can to a brave soldier who is a part of the extended military family that I grew up in.
Sharyn Earl
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The blog has all the positive ideas. Thanks for sharing that! Being in the http://www.military-school.org>military profession is not an easy task.
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Just finished reading Milatary Brats: Legacies of Childhoon inside the Fortress. I cannot just not tell you how much this book has meant to me. Thank you so much for your effort. Do you conduct seminars? Luther "Griff" Jones, Stugart High School, '57-59'
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Griff, thanks. Now that I am finally an Empty Nester, I am starting to do more of this. I've given some small workshops to groups of brats, and I've talked to classes and to conferences. I would like very much to give seminars/workshops for brats that are longer and more focused than what I've done so far, possibly in conjunction with a licensed counselor. If you know of a group of brats that would be interested in something like this, please let me know.
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I wrote "A Fog of War Movies and Books" for my blog ( www.epharmony.com ) -- after spending Veteran's Day weekend watching U.S. veterans from many wars talk about their experiences.... That particular blog is too long to fit in here, but I hope it's thoughtful and worth reading.... I will make a yearly ritual of watching C-Span coverage of vets who teach/ write books/ speak in panels, etc.--they have super coverage for the 3 days. Listening to soldiers speak is a great way to respect their contributions; we can listen to their many different voices speak of their many different experiences....
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